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my fourth book "True love allows you to be free" appeared on the 10th July. I am sure this will be on the bedside tables of men and women who ask themselves why they have up to now not been happy in their relationships.
Practically everyone will recognise themselves in my book and understand the causes of their disappointments, injuries and separations. I have recently delivered several lectures on this
subject which have inspired thousands of people. In this book I could go deeper and explain in detail what happens between man and woman.
I would like to go into one of the essential contexts, the meaning of which has up to now not been recognised. The longing for happiness and fulfilment in a partnership is deeply human and understandable.& nbsp; However I maintain that the majority of men and also women begin a partnership in order to receive from the other person something which up to now they themselves could not give. This means they want the quality lacking in themselves to be removed by the other person.
First of all it is the fear and difficulty of being alone that causes people to look for a partner as only very few people can be contented and happy on their own.
Another reason is - and of which most people are unaware - is the lack of self-appreciation of the woman or the man or the lack of the joys of living which one expects from a partnership. The man thinks: "When the woman shows me that I am good then I feel valuable as a man. The woman thinks: "If the man admires me and considers me attractive then I am content with myself as a woman". These two points prevent a relationship from becoming a love relationship.
It is essential that in his development, a man learns to value and to love himself without having to have this confirmed by a woman. He may learn with joy how to be a man and to discover what makes him a true man. Having a job and earning money is not sufficient by a long way. He must find out what inspires him in this world and learn to put his enthusiasm into practice. Through love for himself, for his brothers and for all other men he may discover the beauty of being a man in contrast to his father who never managed to do this.
A woman may discover that she does not love and appreciate herself as long as she needs a man to confirm to her that she is valuable. She may learn to love and admire herself and to celebrate. When she does this a woman begins to glow and gives forth a beautiful fragrance. The perception of her own peculiarity and beauty enables a woman to know where she stands and what she is worth. She becomes attractive to men and she can love without ha ving to sell or degrade herself. Over ninety percent of us have experienced a mother who apparently did not love her life as a woman, but instead complained, played the role of the victim and suffered. It is therefore an enormous task for a woman of today to value and appreciate herself without 'needing' a man.
The third and often underestimated factor for a successful love relationship is the question of how far man and woman have inwardly detached themselves from the mother and father of their childhood and how far they are at peace with their past. We experience today countless men and women who, at over fifty, are still entangled in violent conflicts with their parents and are not completely free.
Many mothers play a large part in this case simply because they do not know any better. They look upon their role as a mother as being their lifetime's work and achieve their self appreciation through this. They let neither sons nor daughters free to live their own lives, but interfere constantly in the affairs of their grown up children. The children have not inwardly detached themselves from their parents and the little boy and girl react with helpless anger against mother and mother in law.
Most fathers are perceived by a child as being physically and emotionally absent. Daughter and son long for his presence and for his appreciation. This causes the woman to yearn for a person to replace her father. Men often look to their bosses as a father replacement and the women to their men.
The normal person believes that things which happened many years ago have no or hardly any meaning today. This mistaken belief is shown in many relationship situations which each one of us experiences either himself or in his surroundings. Peace with the past and the appreciation, honour and esteem of all those who have accompanied us along our path, particularly parents, b rothers and sisters and ex-partner smooth the way for a peaceful and fulfilled future. All the things we experience with our partners occur in order to wake us up so that we can perceive how this situation has been created and what it wishes to tell us about ourselves. As long as men and women continue to judge and condemn one another - particularly women amongst themselves - there will be no peace in our relationships.
Another point which many partners fail to realise is the importance of a respectful distance to each other in order to keep the relationship fresh and lively. This is also important in order to maintain an enjoyable sex life which tends to slacken off with many couples after a few years. When men and women come together many make a mistake when they believe they should go the same way and give up their previous ways.
My recommendation is that a couple should go three ways - he goes his, she goes hers and both go a third and joint way - otherwise a relationship will arise in which the one partner abuses the other for his/her emotional, physical and other needs. If this is the case then love will be extinguished. More on this subject can be found in my book.
I wish you all a beautiful summer. Celebrate life and celebrate love - the love you have for yourself, your partner, your family, all men and for life itself.